I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
