Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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