she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
