i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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