tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You are a genius and a whore.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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