So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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