If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
