I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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