Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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