Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
