i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
