It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
