I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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