All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
