normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
