That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
