Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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