Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
