i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
