You're so nebulous sometimes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
