What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think my tv is drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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