just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
