she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
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