i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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