Me. At least after what I've been through.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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