yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
