Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
