Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
