i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
