I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
