is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
