woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
