dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
