I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think my moral compass just broke
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