youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
