So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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