He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When did angry sex become our thing?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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