she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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