Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
