I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
