Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
