yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
