I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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