I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
