matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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