I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What a dumb baby whore.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
