I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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