Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we made out on top of his cat.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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