just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
