so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just tell him i said nine months
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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