I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
4 words: hood of his car
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
