no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I understand Curling. That high.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My vagina is officially offended.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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