all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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