I puked a lego.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
