can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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