It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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