I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
