great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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