Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize