she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
