There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My life is pants optional.
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