Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
