i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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