My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
