Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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