Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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