I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
