dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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