If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
