smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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