we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we're making bets on your personal life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
