wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
