He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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