there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
