I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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