i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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